Are you setting your text to overlay? I don't like that transparent look. Especially with that font. Just doesn't work because it looks like it's supposed to be a strong font. Other than that I like this.
Did you create that effect on the Vick text or was that the font?
I quite like your version. I think the left is bland, but the render, text and lighting all look good. B/W version is beastly imo.
Text is a big let down. Something like the Drak sig your rocking might have worked better. I quite like the rest. Maybe bring the render out a bit more.