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Two championships, four MVPs, 34 points per game... We all know Kyrie Irving is the best player in the file right now. Many teams are willing to sacrifice their future just to have a chance at the guy. As it stands now, we have ten teams with the salary cap flexibility to sign the all-star point guard. But since we all know this league is rigged, I thought it might be fun to list the teams in the order of likelihood that Crooked CC would bless than with a Kyrie Irving-sized handout.
10. Cleveland Cavaliers
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: I have no idea why the fuck any of you would want Kyrie to go back here.
Predicted League Response: "Welcome to the league, (insert new GM here). How would you like to start off with the best player in the file? It's okay if you don't want him, I'd be happy to trade for him."
9. Minnesota Timberwolves
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: After finally giving into that bully CC's peer pressure, xbrackattackx finally rebuilt his team from the ground up. While signing Kyrie might be a kick start he doesn't need to get back into contention, it would be quite the Cinderella story to see the team go from not having cap room to signing the marquee free agent in 48 hours.
Predicted League Response: "Brack is such a good GM for winning an RNG draw! We don't care that you're going to run the league again, suck it CC!"
8. Indiana Pacers
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: You really shouldn't. Cheddar is finally reconstructing the Pacers for the first time in a while after a dominant run atop the Eastern Conference. If the Pacers land Kyrie Irving, they'll vault right back up to the top of the conference while simultaneously rebuilding.
Predicted League Response: "Well, the Pacers may continue to win 60 games a season for the next four years, but at least CC didn't get him."
7. Orlando Magic
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: Once again, you really shouldn't. This team already has a stacked back court with Damian Lillard and Jamal Murray (pending restricted free agent), and adding Kyrie Irving into the fold would certainly make them the favorite entering 2020-2021.
Predicted League Response: See the Pacers' response, but ignore the part where that team has already dominated the conference for a few years in a row before this.
6. Golden State Warriors
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: This team has a good young core already in place, and adding Kyrie Irving into the fold would catapult them up the Western Conference ranks. While they may still be a few bigs away from being a true contender, the future would be very bright in Golden State.
Predicted League Response: None.
5. Portland Trail Blazers
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: The Trail Blazers just lost franchise legend LaMarcus Aldridge to free agency, and there'd be no better way to jump into a new era than to bring in the best player in the league. Surely, Kyrie's presence alone would cure the lingering mediocrity lingering around Portland over the past decade.
Predicted League Response: None.
4. Washington Wizards
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: While he may not have a need for another point guard, Teagz won't be able to help himself from going after the best player in the league and dealing with the consequences later. He's a cool guy, so that's another reason.
Predicted League Response: "Did CC just rig the Wizards to get Kyrie just so he could finally get Markelle Fultz for the Wizards' 2021 first? What a narcissist."
3. Brooklyn Nets*
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: The Nets have been bad for the entirety of the league, but the addition of Kyrie Irving would surely change that. The duo of Kyrie Irving and Zion Williamson would finally come to fruition after the tyrant commissioner blocked it last off-season ago.
Predicted League Response: "First CC lets the Nets keep Zion, then he trades them Bradley Beal for a bag of peanuts, and now he rigs the free agency so the best player in the league goes there?!"
2. San Antonio Spurs
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: @TYO had arguably the most difficult rebuild this league has seen when he took over the Spurs after MIKEAIRS. He finally managed to break through last season and go 41-41, with two young all-stars under contract for the foreseeable future.
Predicted League Response: "CC has been planning to hook his friend up with Kyrie for years now. Bullshit. He should be rotting away on a computer team."
1. Dallas Mavericks
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: CameronCrazy06 deserves this. He puts his blood, sweat, and tears into this league. He's been planning for Kyrie to come to his team for many seasons now.
Predicted League Response: "I'm quitting."
* - near max space
Special shoutout to Bozo The Clown for having these team images readily available. Best of luck to all in the Kyrie Irving sweepstakes. May the odds forever be in your favor.
10. Cleveland Cavaliers
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: I have no idea why the fuck any of you would want Kyrie to go back here.
Predicted League Response: "Welcome to the league, (insert new GM here). How would you like to start off with the best player in the file? It's okay if you don't want him, I'd be happy to trade for him."
9. Minnesota Timberwolves
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: After finally giving into that bully CC's peer pressure, xbrackattackx finally rebuilt his team from the ground up. While signing Kyrie might be a kick start he doesn't need to get back into contention, it would be quite the Cinderella story to see the team go from not having cap room to signing the marquee free agent in 48 hours.
Predicted League Response: "Brack is such a good GM for winning an RNG draw! We don't care that you're going to run the league again, suck it CC!"
8. Indiana Pacers
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: You really shouldn't. Cheddar is finally reconstructing the Pacers for the first time in a while after a dominant run atop the Eastern Conference. If the Pacers land Kyrie Irving, they'll vault right back up to the top of the conference while simultaneously rebuilding.
Predicted League Response: "Well, the Pacers may continue to win 60 games a season for the next four years, but at least CC didn't get him."
7. Orlando Magic
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: Once again, you really shouldn't. This team already has a stacked back court with Damian Lillard and Jamal Murray (pending restricted free agent), and adding Kyrie Irving into the fold would certainly make them the favorite entering 2020-2021.
Predicted League Response: See the Pacers' response, but ignore the part where that team has already dominated the conference for a few years in a row before this.
6. Golden State Warriors
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: This team has a good young core already in place, and adding Kyrie Irving into the fold would catapult them up the Western Conference ranks. While they may still be a few bigs away from being a true contender, the future would be very bright in Golden State.
Predicted League Response: None.
5. Portland Trail Blazers
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: The Trail Blazers just lost franchise legend LaMarcus Aldridge to free agency, and there'd be no better way to jump into a new era than to bring in the best player in the league. Surely, Kyrie's presence alone would cure the lingering mediocrity lingering around Portland over the past decade.
Predicted League Response: None.
4. Washington Wizards
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: While he may not have a need for another point guard, Teagz won't be able to help himself from going after the best player in the league and dealing with the consequences later. He's a cool guy, so that's another reason.
Predicted League Response: "Did CC just rig the Wizards to get Kyrie just so he could finally get Markelle Fultz for the Wizards' 2021 first? What a narcissist."
3. Brooklyn Nets*
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: The Nets have been bad for the entirety of the league, but the addition of Kyrie Irving would surely change that. The duo of Kyrie Irving and Zion Williamson would finally come to fruition after the tyrant commissioner blocked it last off-season ago.
Predicted League Response: "First CC lets the Nets keep Zion, then he trades them Bradley Beal for a bag of peanuts, and now he rigs the free agency so the best player in the league goes there?!"
2. San Antonio Spurs
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: @TYO had arguably the most difficult rebuild this league has seen when he took over the Spurs after MIKEAIRS. He finally managed to break through last season and go 41-41, with two young all-stars under contract for the foreseeable future.
Predicted League Response: "CC has been planning to hook his friend up with Kyrie for years now. Bullshit. He should be rotting away on a computer team."
1. Dallas Mavericks
Why you should want Kyrie to go there: CameronCrazy06 deserves this. He puts his blood, sweat, and tears into this league. He's been planning for Kyrie to come to his team for many seasons now.
Predicted League Response: "I'm quitting."
* - near max space
Special shoutout to Bozo The Clown for having these team images readily available. Best of luck to all in the Kyrie Irving sweepstakes. May the odds forever be in your favor.
