Rotten Egg SI: Vikings Trim Trees, Remove Saplings From Peterson's Homes

[BwareDWare94]

In anticipation of Adrian Peterson's potential return to the team, it appears that the Minnesota Vikings will take no chances at a Peterson relapse into child abuse. Team officials were spotted doing yard work at each of Peterson's homes, from his house in the Twin Cities to his home in Texas, even at the homes of each of his children, according to an unnamed team official. "We've trimmed the larger trees for at least 10 households," said the official.

"We trimmed the older trees up to the twelve foot mark, and removed any saplings that had begun to grow in the area."
 
We contacted GM Rick Spielman for a few short questions about the tactic. Speilman vaguely redirected the conversation to topics such as the weather, the shitty Twins pitching staff, and flatware, among other things. After 10 minutes of forward questions only resulting in Speilman going on about the advantages of 3 tine forks, we were forced to hang up the phone.

Fortunately for us, the unnamed official continued to spill. "He isn't happy about it, but we made it sound like we'd re-think the process if he complied with a pair of stipulations. He has to go at least 2 years without another incident, and fortunately for us, he's so dumb he didn't pick up on the failsafe we put in place with the second stipulation. He has to learn how to pass protect!" 

 

[Pugz]

 

[BwareDWare94]

Glad you liked it, man!