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BwareDWare94
Where were you when the world stopped turning?
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While the Cowboys were demolishing the Saints this past Sunday, Jerry Jones' dead face made plenty of headlines with this photo:
Needless to say, viewers were terrified, and apparently so was HBO Executive Doug Bradley, who called Jones after the conclusion of Sunday's game.
"I asked him if he'd be interested in portraying the Crypt Keeper if we re-upped the series," Bradley said. "He said he'd think about it."
Jones, known to be officially dead since he gave embattled quarterback Tony Romo more money than his alma mater Eastern Illinois generates in a year at its football games, continues to decompose before our very eyes, appearing more terrifying by the week.
"He's perfect for the role," gushed Bradley. "His body's deteriorating, his mental capacities have long since vacated. Everything about the guy just screams Crypt Keeper, doesn't it?"
Cowboys players seemed to like the idea, though we've come to wonder if they'd just like to see a lot less of their decomposing owner. Morris Claiborne, who's spent more time with Jones over the past few weeks, apparently left team headquarters last week because he'd soiled himself after the animated corpse of Jones helped the coaching staff deliver the news of Claiborne's demotion.
"It was the foulest stank I've ever come across," said Orlando Scandrick, who was notified of his starting role at the same time. "What scares me is I'm not sure if it was Mo or Jerry."
Coach Jason Garrett actually withheld discipline from the literally scared shitless cornerback, who quickly changed pants before vacating team facilities.
In an effort to make the young cornerback feel better after his devastating knee injury on Sunday night, Jones visited Claiborne at his home Monday afternoon. Claiborne is rumored to be foaming at the mouth and muttering gibberish since Jones left, apparently leaving a flap of deteriorating flesh stuck in the door frame. When we called Jason Garrett to confirm Claiborne's condition, the coach sighed and mumbled "yes" into the phone.
Garrett, who to this day has no clue how he's still coaching this team, merely shrugs when asked about his relationship with Jones. "We make the playoffs this year, or he eats me and my entire family. That simplifies things."
Bradley is looking forward to his face to cadaver meeting with Jones, a meeting which, at the suggestion of the Dallas coaching staff, is to be held in the front pew of a church. "I'm hoping he'll accept the role," said Bradley. "He's already in perfect condition for the part, and it's only going to get better."