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There have been some bad offseasons in Bengaldom, but this one might be the worst of all.
CINCINNATI -- From the awkward press conference announcing Marvin Lewis' return as head coach; to Carson Palmer's trade-me-or-I'll-retire vow; to the resumption of battles with Hamilton County commissioners over Paul Brown Stadium; to the NFL lockout; to three player arrests in an eight-day span this month, most of the publicity has been bad.
That also has meant national scrutiny. Last week, the Wall Street Journal called the Bengals' lease the worst stadium deal ever for taxpayers. Last month, ESPN The Magazine ranked the Bengals as the worst professional sports franchise in North America. No. 122.
During the past month, The Enquirer solicited suggestions from fans about ways the Bengals can improve. There have been plenty of submissions.
Some can not be done by the team alone, such as a suggestion for a better shuttle service to games that would require help from Metro and TANK.
But after a 4-12 season, the suggestion box is overflowing. What follows: 122 ideas, matching the ESPN ranking, for improving the Bengals:
1. Hire a general manager
The runaway leader, especially for a regime that has gone 115-206-1 since the death of team founder Paul Brown in 1991. Mike Brown points to the fact that in terms of games played by their draft picks - the Bengals rank among the NFL's top 10. But the most recent Bengals draft pick to be selected to the Pro Bowl was Carson Palmer.
2. More scouts
While the past three drafts have been solid, many wonder if more scouts and evaluators in the personnel department could have prevented recent free-agent duds like Antonio Bryant and Laveranues Coles.
3. Build a practice bubble
This would be No. 1 the list for Lewis and players. Granted, Cincinnati is not Minnesota or Green Bay, but practicing in freezing conditions while your opponent is nice and toasty in an indoor facility puts you at a competitive disadvantage.
4. Create a ring of honor
Paul Brown Stadium has no tangible link to the past outside of its name. For a younger generation that has known mostly losing seasons, it would provide a way to connect with the team's two Super Bowl appearances and honor players like Ken Anderson, Anthony Munoz, Bob Johnson and Isaac Curtis, to name a few.
5. Retire Nos. 14 and 78
The Bengals have retired only one uniform number, Bob Johnson's 54. Why Munoz's and Anderson's numbers are not retired is a source of frustration to fans.
6. Responsibility for the stadium
The team should resume negotiations with Hamilton County Commissioners and show it is willing to assume the cost of some major capital improvements, even if not bound by lease terms to do so.
7. Stop talking down to fans
Most of your season ticket holders feel they are not appreciated. Said one in an email: "Consistently claiming that the fans do not have the insight or ability to recommend winning ideas wears on people."
8. Better concessions
According to some fans: "Concession stands that serve food need to be better staffed and prepared. The wait in line (is) way too long. The managers never have the organization to handle the halftime rush. The vendors are regularly out of basic food items." Some asked for more Cincinnati-specific products like Montgomery Inn barbecue or Christian Moerlein beers.
9. Hold a Bengalsfest
Teams have begun conducting fan fests on draft weekend and have had great success. If it were modeled after Redsfest, with interactive activities and autograph opportunities with past and current players, that would be a good step in helping repair the franchise's standing with the public.
10. More interaction from Mike Brown
Some have suggested a weekly luncheon during the season, while others have said the Bengals president should have his own Twitter account (that's not happening anytime soon). Brown rarely gives interviews, especially since the hiring of Lewis in 2003.
Said one fan: "The fact one has to write Mr. Brown a letter to express concern, in order for him to respond is a bit worrisome. I attempted to email Mr. Brown last year to voice my disappointment with the direction of the franchise. I received a response email from a club employee informing me that Mr. Brown could be reached by writing him a letter at such and such address . Really? When various clubs across the league are using technology to their advantage in order to promote the club, educate the fan base and offer team deals and incentives, we have an owner who doesn't receive email."
The rest
Suggestions 11-122 are broken up by categories cited by ESPN in its No. 122 ranking of the Bengals:
Bang for the buck
11. Build consistency; it would go a long way toward a better image and add value for season ticket holders.
12. Win 122 games over the next 10 years.
Fan relations
13. Allow 20 suite- and club-level ticket holders to travel with team to away games with the team.
14. Hold team Q&A session and a luncheon with season-ticket holders in offseason.
15. Give season-ticket holders family passes to one session of training camp at Georgetown.
16. Make all players sign autographs for 30 minutes after practice at Georgetown. (In fairness, the Bengals did this for kids during the final week of camp last year).
17. Reach out to local companies and negotiate affordable prices for unoccupied suites on a per-game basis.
18. Recognize milestones of fans: groups in attendance, consecutive games attended, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Do this on the scoreboard before the game and during timeouts.
19. Specific initiatives for season-ticket and package buyers, like behind-the-scenes tours, meet the coaches for a day, go through the playbook with an assistant coach. Involve the Bengals greats in current events. Have a lunch with Boomer Esiason. Bring back Sam Wyche.
20. Continue to hold at least one practice in the Dayton area. Bengals practices last summer in Centerville and at Dayton's Welcome Stadium gave a large portion of the fan base a more convenient way to see the team.
21. Team up with a local travel agent to market packages with hotel, game tickets, bus transportation and local entertainment at a value price to secondary market areas.
22. Hold "Fan Appreciation Day" with something to make them think the organization appreciates their business: a $20 voucher to the gift shop, a free hat, jersey or hot dog and drink - any gesture of good will.
23. Reduce DUI's, traffic and smog downtown by offering shuttle service at six different pick-up points: Kenwood Towne Centre, Milford, Union Centre Boulevard, Western Hills, Florence and Hamilton.
24. Update the uniforms. . Go to black helmets with orange stripes. Simplify the jersey and pants so they don't look like Halloween costumes. Perhaps go retro to the team's original look.
25. Offer an online Bengals quiz to give fans a chance at discounted tickets.
26. Change the TV blackout policy. That's not a team, but a league matter. Still, a lot of fans are imploring for the NFL to do away with blacking out local TV broadcasts of games that are not sold out.
27. Get players out in the community, through golf events or clinics or meet-and-greats in the club level of the stadium.
28. Get players to walk around the edge of the field, signing autographs, at the end of each home game.
Affordability
29. Offer a flexible pricing system for games.
30. Donate 200 tickets a game to low-income families with children.
31. Have more affordable ticket prices for the worst sections of the stadium.
32. Create a family section.
33. Offer some specials like the Reds do with an all-you-can-eat section or specials on foods.
Stadium experience
34. Have one or two "black-out" or "orange-out" games this year. The Bengals could have a corporate sponsor provide some sort of giveaway in the same color.
35 . Bring back a live tiger as a mascot. That would liven things up on the sidelines.
36. Have the escalators working on game day. One or more of the escalators were not running at some games, some fans complained.
37. Have more game entertainment during timeouts. Highlights from other NFL games, kiss cam, contests, etc.
38. Hire a designer to soften the look of the common areas inside PBS. How about a coat of paint and a few murals depicting the man that built the stadium, Paul Brown?
39. Create an actual hall of fame, similar to the Reds', to make the stadium a destination.
40. Update the scoreboards and ad boards. One fan: "The Reds spent millions from their own budget to pay for a new HD screen/scoreboard, because they wanted to improve the value of the fan experience. It's light years ahead of PBS."
41. Replace the food and beverage vendor. The good at PBS is far below standards of other NFL teams.
42. Sell the naming rights. P&G, Kroger, Fifth Third, etc. are all local corporate giants. Why not sell the naming rights to the stadium? Maybe Kroger Stadium. A fan suggested Paul Brown's legacy could be better preserved by winning a championship.
43. Sell better beer. Fans say the beer selection at PBS is mediocre at best. Add more local and regional beers. "How about a beer garden? Something similar to the Machine Room at GABP, where any fan (not just club members) can go watch the game and enjoy a beer environment."
44. Increase injury updates, in-game info, lineup changes, interviews, to fans paying to see game live. The experience on TV has surpassed the live experience.
45. New music! It's been the same songs since PBS opened, a fan opined. Anything new would be welcomed.
Ownership
46. "I want Mike Brown to come out during a press conference and acknowledge that he 'will bring championship football to Cincinnati!' It's that simple. Don't talk about being competitive; tell us that you're committed to winning championships, and that you will do whatever it takes to make that happen. That will go a long way."
Coaching
47. Have more transparency in press conferences. "The aloof, we don't want our enemies to know our plans, got old when the offense got stale five years ago." An open, honest dialogue during press conferences from Marvin Lewis would go a long way toward reconnecting with the fan base.
48. "Lure Boomer Esiason out of the booth to be a QB coach or offensive QC coach. Teach our QB's how far a little moxie and chutzpah can take a team."
49. Quit sticking with coaches too long. Bob Bratkowski and Dave Shula are two examples brought up by fans.
Players
50. Require any player with a "franchise" level contract to reside in Cincinnati all year. "One issue with Carson Palmer is he never immersed himself in the community like Boomer Esiason, Anthony Munoz and Bob Trumpy.If a player is making $6 million plus annually, he has a responsibility to be an ambassador of the team to the city."
51. Get rid of players who don't want to play for Cincinnati
52. Sign their first Reggie White: a big name free agent that will enhance culture of the locker room.
53. Bring in tougher, more vocal leaders on both the offense and defense
54. Make character more of a priority while selecting players
55. Reduce first-round holdouts by being more flexible on contract negotiations
56. Sign a strong-side linebacker with leadership skills and ability to cover tight ends.
57. Re-sign Johnathan Joseph and extend Leon Hall. Can't run Bengals' system without two solid cover corners.
58. Quit trying to move players from offense to defense.
59. Explain to offensive players that sometimes it's better to just go down than to fight for 3 inches risking a fumble
60. Enforce the Carl Pickens loyalty clause
61. Use higher picks on offensive and defensive linemen.
62. Take Carson's money and overpay for Nnamdi Asomugha or Santonio Holmes.
Championship track
63. Wrote one emailer: "The Bengals need to be radicalized. What do I mean by radicalized? I mean they need to completely change their image, brand, face, and workflow. I think of all the horrible moves the organization made. They need to re-brand themselves as a winning operation by changing their entire organization from the ground up. They need to change their logo, their uniforms, and their personnel."
64. As Willie Anderson said last year, establish a common philosophy within the organization and stick to it for the long run instead of changing it from year to year.
65. Clean up the team's image. Three player arrests in a couple weeks just isn't acceptable.
Extra credit
For every good idea, there were two or three ideas that provided a chuckle, a head scratch, amplified a point raised earlier or just were completely off the wall. The second half of this list is devoted to those:
66. Create the antithesis of the ring of honor: Perhaps name it: The King of the Clink." KOC located at entrance of corporate offices to forever remind the Browns of consequences of hiring players who lack character and integrity.
67. Another twist on the Ring of Honor: "Bengals should honor all the players that faced the dilemma of every aging, under-performing NFL player: Do I take the easy million and play in Cincinnati, or retire? The Brown family needs to honor the men that did not take the easy way out."
68. The Arizona Diamondbacks have a pool beyond the outfield fence. That wouldn't work during a Cincinnati winter, but how about a skating rink?
69. Plan January events for fans. Act like you expect to be playing that month.
70. Bring back Chad Ochocinco - as head coach.
71. Allow Mike Zimmer to do the postgame press conferences. He's direct, angry, and swears a lot, just like most Bengals fans.
72. Give away bobblehead dolls. Bobbleheads make everything better
73. When Bengals have a supplemental seventh-round pick, select the top five candidates and place bios and scouting reports of each candidate online. Allow a fan vote to determine This empowers fans, is great PR and allows an unknown guy to become the people's player.
74. Let fans call one play per game. It's not like there's no room for improvement in the game plan.
75. Have Mike Brown sell the Bengals to Mark Cuban.
76. Quit playing down to the level of competition.
77. Actually win back-to-back playoff games.
78. Give something better than popcorn to season ticket holders.
79. Give coaches a four-year limit to win a playoff game or make their unit a top-10 unit.
80. Make a new team rule: Don't draft anyone over 360 pounds.
81. Cut anyone who has a reality TV show.
82. Cut anyone who refers to himself in the third person.
83. Create a rule that if a team offers you their entire draft to move up a few spots, you do it.
84. Hire a team psychiatrist.
85. Insist future No. 1-pick quarterbacks watch films featuring Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson to ensure they have a background in toughness.
86. Don't have cheerleaders over the age of 25.
87. Hire me as a remote draft-day consultant for the first four rounds. We all have the same access to them guys. Just run the guy's name in front of me before they turn it in to the commissioner. I'll say yes or no.
88. Don't allow any member of the team to create an iPhone app.
89. Require every cheerleader to know the Ickey Shuffle.
90. Ask Roger Goodell to make Mike Brown have a Twitter account.
91. Get Mike Brown hair implants (owners with a full head of hair have won more Super Bowls).
92. Make Marvin grow his hair until they win a playoff game.
93. Teach players to hit, wrap and drive their legs when it comes to tackling Ben Roethlisberger.
94. Don't draft a player from the Big Ten with the No. 1 pick.
95. Don't allow players to discuss how other teams are run with anyone outside of the organization.
96. Require quarterbacks to be more vocal when trying to explain to the right guard that he needs to pick up the blitzer from the right side.
97. Have plays ready after time-outs.
98. Fine Marvin Lewis for repeating quotes.
99. Quit traveling to the West Coast the day before a game.
100. Don't attempt a field goal while trailing by more than 14 points with 5 minutes to go in the game.
101. If given the chance to take a kicker or a quarterback in the sixth round, choose the QB. (See: Neil Rackers over Tom Brady.)
102. Publicize that at least you're not the Detroit Lions.
103. Wear all black during home games.
104. Discard the orange jerseys.
105. Remind the players they don't play in Cleveland.
106. Discard the hurry-up offense if it doesn't work for three straight drives.
107. Don't count wins after the team is out of the playoff race.
108. Offer free popcorn to guys who take their shirts off when the temperature goes below 20 degrees.
109. Figure out a way to beat the Buffalo Bills.
110. Promise to hire a GM if the guy who dresses in a gorilla suit will fistfight the Bengals stormtrooper.
111. Set up a dunk tank at PBS with David Klingler and Akili Smith.
112. Get NFL Films to acknowledge that Marv Levy stole Sam Wyche's offense.
113. Give Dave Shula a job as the guy who runs and gets the tee after a kickoff.
114. Promise even MORE innovative touchdown dances.
115. Petition the league to join the NFC West.
116. Have the NFL impose a two-year ban on Bengals bashing.
117. Fix the gate in the stadium that kept Marvin Lewis from getting in during "Hard Knocks."
118. Put urinal cakes with pictures of Joe Montana, Keith Gary and Ben Roethlisberger in the men's rooms.
119. Destroy all proof that Scott Mitchell played for the Bengals.
120. Have Chad Ochocinco add the moonwalk to his repertoire
121. Let Bootsy Collins perform the national anthem at every home game.
122. More cowbell.
Ok, lets start with step 1 and go from there.
CINCINNATI -- From the awkward press conference announcing Marvin Lewis' return as head coach; to Carson Palmer's trade-me-or-I'll-retire vow; to the resumption of battles with Hamilton County commissioners over Paul Brown Stadium; to the NFL lockout; to three player arrests in an eight-day span this month, most of the publicity has been bad.
That also has meant national scrutiny. Last week, the Wall Street Journal called the Bengals' lease the worst stadium deal ever for taxpayers. Last month, ESPN The Magazine ranked the Bengals as the worst professional sports franchise in North America. No. 122.
During the past month, The Enquirer solicited suggestions from fans about ways the Bengals can improve. There have been plenty of submissions.
Some can not be done by the team alone, such as a suggestion for a better shuttle service to games that would require help from Metro and TANK.
But after a 4-12 season, the suggestion box is overflowing. What follows: 122 ideas, matching the ESPN ranking, for improving the Bengals:
1. Hire a general manager
The runaway leader, especially for a regime that has gone 115-206-1 since the death of team founder Paul Brown in 1991. Mike Brown points to the fact that in terms of games played by their draft picks - the Bengals rank among the NFL's top 10. But the most recent Bengals draft pick to be selected to the Pro Bowl was Carson Palmer.
2. More scouts
While the past three drafts have been solid, many wonder if more scouts and evaluators in the personnel department could have prevented recent free-agent duds like Antonio Bryant and Laveranues Coles.
3. Build a practice bubble
This would be No. 1 the list for Lewis and players. Granted, Cincinnati is not Minnesota or Green Bay, but practicing in freezing conditions while your opponent is nice and toasty in an indoor facility puts you at a competitive disadvantage.
4. Create a ring of honor
Paul Brown Stadium has no tangible link to the past outside of its name. For a younger generation that has known mostly losing seasons, it would provide a way to connect with the team's two Super Bowl appearances and honor players like Ken Anderson, Anthony Munoz, Bob Johnson and Isaac Curtis, to name a few.
5. Retire Nos. 14 and 78
The Bengals have retired only one uniform number, Bob Johnson's 54. Why Munoz's and Anderson's numbers are not retired is a source of frustration to fans.
6. Responsibility for the stadium
The team should resume negotiations with Hamilton County Commissioners and show it is willing to assume the cost of some major capital improvements, even if not bound by lease terms to do so.
7. Stop talking down to fans
Most of your season ticket holders feel they are not appreciated. Said one in an email: "Consistently claiming that the fans do not have the insight or ability to recommend winning ideas wears on people."
8. Better concessions
According to some fans: "Concession stands that serve food need to be better staffed and prepared. The wait in line (is) way too long. The managers never have the organization to handle the halftime rush. The vendors are regularly out of basic food items." Some asked for more Cincinnati-specific products like Montgomery Inn barbecue or Christian Moerlein beers.
9. Hold a Bengalsfest
Teams have begun conducting fan fests on draft weekend and have had great success. If it were modeled after Redsfest, with interactive activities and autograph opportunities with past and current players, that would be a good step in helping repair the franchise's standing with the public.
10. More interaction from Mike Brown
Some have suggested a weekly luncheon during the season, while others have said the Bengals president should have his own Twitter account (that's not happening anytime soon). Brown rarely gives interviews, especially since the hiring of Lewis in 2003.
Said one fan: "The fact one has to write Mr. Brown a letter to express concern, in order for him to respond is a bit worrisome. I attempted to email Mr. Brown last year to voice my disappointment with the direction of the franchise. I received a response email from a club employee informing me that Mr. Brown could be reached by writing him a letter at such and such address . Really? When various clubs across the league are using technology to their advantage in order to promote the club, educate the fan base and offer team deals and incentives, we have an owner who doesn't receive email."
The rest
Suggestions 11-122 are broken up by categories cited by ESPN in its No. 122 ranking of the Bengals:
Bang for the buck
11. Build consistency; it would go a long way toward a better image and add value for season ticket holders.
12. Win 122 games over the next 10 years.
Fan relations
13. Allow 20 suite- and club-level ticket holders to travel with team to away games with the team.
14. Hold team Q&A session and a luncheon with season-ticket holders in offseason.
15. Give season-ticket holders family passes to one session of training camp at Georgetown.
16. Make all players sign autographs for 30 minutes after practice at Georgetown. (In fairness, the Bengals did this for kids during the final week of camp last year).
17. Reach out to local companies and negotiate affordable prices for unoccupied suites on a per-game basis.
18. Recognize milestones of fans: groups in attendance, consecutive games attended, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Do this on the scoreboard before the game and during timeouts.
19. Specific initiatives for season-ticket and package buyers, like behind-the-scenes tours, meet the coaches for a day, go through the playbook with an assistant coach. Involve the Bengals greats in current events. Have a lunch with Boomer Esiason. Bring back Sam Wyche.
20. Continue to hold at least one practice in the Dayton area. Bengals practices last summer in Centerville and at Dayton's Welcome Stadium gave a large portion of the fan base a more convenient way to see the team.
21. Team up with a local travel agent to market packages with hotel, game tickets, bus transportation and local entertainment at a value price to secondary market areas.
22. Hold "Fan Appreciation Day" with something to make them think the organization appreciates their business: a $20 voucher to the gift shop, a free hat, jersey or hot dog and drink - any gesture of good will.
23. Reduce DUI's, traffic and smog downtown by offering shuttle service at six different pick-up points: Kenwood Towne Centre, Milford, Union Centre Boulevard, Western Hills, Florence and Hamilton.
24. Update the uniforms. . Go to black helmets with orange stripes. Simplify the jersey and pants so they don't look like Halloween costumes. Perhaps go retro to the team's original look.
25. Offer an online Bengals quiz to give fans a chance at discounted tickets.
26. Change the TV blackout policy. That's not a team, but a league matter. Still, a lot of fans are imploring for the NFL to do away with blacking out local TV broadcasts of games that are not sold out.
27. Get players out in the community, through golf events or clinics or meet-and-greats in the club level of the stadium.
28. Get players to walk around the edge of the field, signing autographs, at the end of each home game.
Affordability
29. Offer a flexible pricing system for games.
30. Donate 200 tickets a game to low-income families with children.
31. Have more affordable ticket prices for the worst sections of the stadium.
32. Create a family section.
33. Offer some specials like the Reds do with an all-you-can-eat section or specials on foods.
Stadium experience
34. Have one or two "black-out" or "orange-out" games this year. The Bengals could have a corporate sponsor provide some sort of giveaway in the same color.
35 . Bring back a live tiger as a mascot. That would liven things up on the sidelines.
36. Have the escalators working on game day. One or more of the escalators were not running at some games, some fans complained.
37. Have more game entertainment during timeouts. Highlights from other NFL games, kiss cam, contests, etc.
38. Hire a designer to soften the look of the common areas inside PBS. How about a coat of paint and a few murals depicting the man that built the stadium, Paul Brown?
39. Create an actual hall of fame, similar to the Reds', to make the stadium a destination.
40. Update the scoreboards and ad boards. One fan: "The Reds spent millions from their own budget to pay for a new HD screen/scoreboard, because they wanted to improve the value of the fan experience. It's light years ahead of PBS."
41. Replace the food and beverage vendor. The good at PBS is far below standards of other NFL teams.
42. Sell the naming rights. P&G, Kroger, Fifth Third, etc. are all local corporate giants. Why not sell the naming rights to the stadium? Maybe Kroger Stadium. A fan suggested Paul Brown's legacy could be better preserved by winning a championship.
43. Sell better beer. Fans say the beer selection at PBS is mediocre at best. Add more local and regional beers. "How about a beer garden? Something similar to the Machine Room at GABP, where any fan (not just club members) can go watch the game and enjoy a beer environment."
44. Increase injury updates, in-game info, lineup changes, interviews, to fans paying to see game live. The experience on TV has surpassed the live experience.
45. New music! It's been the same songs since PBS opened, a fan opined. Anything new would be welcomed.
Ownership
46. "I want Mike Brown to come out during a press conference and acknowledge that he 'will bring championship football to Cincinnati!' It's that simple. Don't talk about being competitive; tell us that you're committed to winning championships, and that you will do whatever it takes to make that happen. That will go a long way."
Coaching
47. Have more transparency in press conferences. "The aloof, we don't want our enemies to know our plans, got old when the offense got stale five years ago." An open, honest dialogue during press conferences from Marvin Lewis would go a long way toward reconnecting with the fan base.
48. "Lure Boomer Esiason out of the booth to be a QB coach or offensive QC coach. Teach our QB's how far a little moxie and chutzpah can take a team."
49. Quit sticking with coaches too long. Bob Bratkowski and Dave Shula are two examples brought up by fans.
Players
50. Require any player with a "franchise" level contract to reside in Cincinnati all year. "One issue with Carson Palmer is he never immersed himself in the community like Boomer Esiason, Anthony Munoz and Bob Trumpy.If a player is making $6 million plus annually, he has a responsibility to be an ambassador of the team to the city."
51. Get rid of players who don't want to play for Cincinnati
52. Sign their first Reggie White: a big name free agent that will enhance culture of the locker room.
53. Bring in tougher, more vocal leaders on both the offense and defense
54. Make character more of a priority while selecting players
55. Reduce first-round holdouts by being more flexible on contract negotiations
56. Sign a strong-side linebacker with leadership skills and ability to cover tight ends.
57. Re-sign Johnathan Joseph and extend Leon Hall. Can't run Bengals' system without two solid cover corners.
58. Quit trying to move players from offense to defense.
59. Explain to offensive players that sometimes it's better to just go down than to fight for 3 inches risking a fumble
60. Enforce the Carl Pickens loyalty clause
61. Use higher picks on offensive and defensive linemen.
62. Take Carson's money and overpay for Nnamdi Asomugha or Santonio Holmes.
Championship track
63. Wrote one emailer: "The Bengals need to be radicalized. What do I mean by radicalized? I mean they need to completely change their image, brand, face, and workflow. I think of all the horrible moves the organization made. They need to re-brand themselves as a winning operation by changing their entire organization from the ground up. They need to change their logo, their uniforms, and their personnel."
64. As Willie Anderson said last year, establish a common philosophy within the organization and stick to it for the long run instead of changing it from year to year.
65. Clean up the team's image. Three player arrests in a couple weeks just isn't acceptable.
Extra credit
For every good idea, there were two or three ideas that provided a chuckle, a head scratch, amplified a point raised earlier or just were completely off the wall. The second half of this list is devoted to those:
66. Create the antithesis of the ring of honor: Perhaps name it: The King of the Clink." KOC located at entrance of corporate offices to forever remind the Browns of consequences of hiring players who lack character and integrity.
67. Another twist on the Ring of Honor: "Bengals should honor all the players that faced the dilemma of every aging, under-performing NFL player: Do I take the easy million and play in Cincinnati, or retire? The Brown family needs to honor the men that did not take the easy way out."
68. The Arizona Diamondbacks have a pool beyond the outfield fence. That wouldn't work during a Cincinnati winter, but how about a skating rink?
69. Plan January events for fans. Act like you expect to be playing that month.
70. Bring back Chad Ochocinco - as head coach.
71. Allow Mike Zimmer to do the postgame press conferences. He's direct, angry, and swears a lot, just like most Bengals fans.
72. Give away bobblehead dolls. Bobbleheads make everything better
73. When Bengals have a supplemental seventh-round pick, select the top five candidates and place bios and scouting reports of each candidate online. Allow a fan vote to determine This empowers fans, is great PR and allows an unknown guy to become the people's player.
74. Let fans call one play per game. It's not like there's no room for improvement in the game plan.
75. Have Mike Brown sell the Bengals to Mark Cuban.
76. Quit playing down to the level of competition.
77. Actually win back-to-back playoff games.
78. Give something better than popcorn to season ticket holders.
79. Give coaches a four-year limit to win a playoff game or make their unit a top-10 unit.
80. Make a new team rule: Don't draft anyone over 360 pounds.
81. Cut anyone who has a reality TV show.
82. Cut anyone who refers to himself in the third person.
83. Create a rule that if a team offers you their entire draft to move up a few spots, you do it.
84. Hire a team psychiatrist.
85. Insist future No. 1-pick quarterbacks watch films featuring Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson to ensure they have a background in toughness.
86. Don't have cheerleaders over the age of 25.
87. Hire me as a remote draft-day consultant for the first four rounds. We all have the same access to them guys. Just run the guy's name in front of me before they turn it in to the commissioner. I'll say yes or no.
88. Don't allow any member of the team to create an iPhone app.
89. Require every cheerleader to know the Ickey Shuffle.
90. Ask Roger Goodell to make Mike Brown have a Twitter account.
91. Get Mike Brown hair implants (owners with a full head of hair have won more Super Bowls).
92. Make Marvin grow his hair until they win a playoff game.
93. Teach players to hit, wrap and drive their legs when it comes to tackling Ben Roethlisberger.
94. Don't draft a player from the Big Ten with the No. 1 pick.
95. Don't allow players to discuss how other teams are run with anyone outside of the organization.
96. Require quarterbacks to be more vocal when trying to explain to the right guard that he needs to pick up the blitzer from the right side.
97. Have plays ready after time-outs.
98. Fine Marvin Lewis for repeating quotes.
99. Quit traveling to the West Coast the day before a game.
100. Don't attempt a field goal while trailing by more than 14 points with 5 minutes to go in the game.
101. If given the chance to take a kicker or a quarterback in the sixth round, choose the QB. (See: Neil Rackers over Tom Brady.)
102. Publicize that at least you're not the Detroit Lions.
103. Wear all black during home games.
104. Discard the orange jerseys.
105. Remind the players they don't play in Cleveland.
106. Discard the hurry-up offense if it doesn't work for three straight drives.
107. Don't count wins after the team is out of the playoff race.
108. Offer free popcorn to guys who take their shirts off when the temperature goes below 20 degrees.
109. Figure out a way to beat the Buffalo Bills.
110. Promise to hire a GM if the guy who dresses in a gorilla suit will fistfight the Bengals stormtrooper.
111. Set up a dunk tank at PBS with David Klingler and Akili Smith.
112. Get NFL Films to acknowledge that Marv Levy stole Sam Wyche's offense.
113. Give Dave Shula a job as the guy who runs and gets the tee after a kickoff.
114. Promise even MORE innovative touchdown dances.
115. Petition the league to join the NFC West.
116. Have the NFL impose a two-year ban on Bengals bashing.
117. Fix the gate in the stadium that kept Marvin Lewis from getting in during "Hard Knocks."
118. Put urinal cakes with pictures of Joe Montana, Keith Gary and Ben Roethlisberger in the men's rooms.
119. Destroy all proof that Scott Mitchell played for the Bengals.
120. Have Chad Ochocinco add the moonwalk to his repertoire
121. Let Bootsy Collins perform the national anthem at every home game.
122. More cowbell.
Ok, lets start with step 1 and go from there.
